Watch For The Red Flags

Today I am going to discuss some side issues of a crime that took place in Atlanta a few days ago.  I won’t be mentioning any names because quite frankly the names don’t matter.  A few days ago, a woman was found unconscious in her kitchen after being strangled and with wounds to her face.  Upon entering the home, the police knew immediately that her 4 year old son was missing and presumed to be with the Dad and the Dad is their first suspect.  The Dad and the child was later found in a shallow grave dead from what looked like an apparent murder suicide.    

Now, the side issue that I want to discuss is that of domestic violence.  It never ceases to amaze me how many women stay with a man that abuses them.  I have been a single mom most of my kids’ lives and as hard as it has been to be a single mom, I would choose that over being battered any day.  Sure I had men from time to time, but in the end, they couldn’t either accept me or they couldn’t accept my kids and that is when I knew to draw the line.  These men didn’t provide anything to the home that I wasn’t already providing and I couldn’t see why I needed to put up with a bunch of fussing if it wasn’t meant to be. 

Women need to grow up and learn to take responsibility for what is theirs.  Ladies, I realize that it takes 2 to make a baby and in a perfect world, two people should and would raise that baby; but there are just some men that are not up for the challenge and since you are the one that brought that baby into this world … by all means, I see it as your responsibility to raise that baby.  I realize that with that last statement, I have made a lot of women mad and that is alright … but common sense tells you that you could have put it up for adoption or aborted it … you say you don’t believe in those choices, I ask you then what is the alternatives:  live in an abusive relationship forcing a guy to be somewhere where both of you are not happy … oh yeah, that is very healthy for all concerned. 

Think about it, if the man abuses you, what in your right mind tells you that he would never abuse the kids?  It is only common sense that the older the child or children get, the more likely the abuse will start on them.  So, am I am to assume that this is healthier for the baby than adoption or abortion under the pretense that at the time, you thought you could make it work.  Let’s face it, you know shortly after meeting someone if they are abusive or not.  If it doesn’t show its head with the two of you, then you know very shortly after becoming pregnant that he isn’t going to take to fatherhood very well and he begins to show his temper in the little things. 

My point is this, there are always red flags and we have to learn to look for the flags and we have to do whatever is necessary to protect that child.  If he is showing a red flag of having a temper when it really isn’t anything to lose your temper over, then move on for the child’s sake.  Why on earth would you stay?    No, not all the cases end like the one I described above, but I have to wonder, how many times did she know he had a temper and would fly into a rage before this incident happened?  Would that poor baby be alive today if she had paid closer attention to the small red flags?  I am sure in that sweet things four years of life, his Daddy had already showed his Mommy that he had a temper and she should have used that opportunity to run.  To run fast … to run real fast. 

Don't Let Them Take Your Freedome of Speech Away!!!!

Our freedom of speech is under attack.  It seems like everyone is upset about our right to bear arms being attacked, well, what about our right to freedom of speech?  Yes, this is about the comment made by Phil Robertson off of Duck Dynasty.  Let me just say, I don’t like the show and I think the whole thing is stupid; but, I also don’t like people attacking Robertson for speaking what he felt. 

Tonight, on Dr. Drew, one of the people on his panel made the comment, “it is alright if he felt that way, but he shouldn’t have spoken it in public” … What?  Really?  That is your stand?  How on earth are you going to say that?  Miley Cyrus can get up and rub her junk all over a guy in public and that is ok … Kmart can have half naked guys playing jingle bells with their underwear and that is ok … but don’t you dare speak what you feel about sexual relationships.  How dare you think I don’t have the right to say what I am feeling.  That is the full purpose of me having a blog … so I can speak my mind about different things that are happening in the news. 

This is a crime and A & E needs to stop their attack on Duck Dynasty.  I can’t see how you are going to attack one of your most popular shows like this.  I don’t watch the show and I am not going to watch the show because of all the bad publicity that it is getting at the moment … but don’t you dare think you have a right to take my right to speak my mind away because you don’t.  

What Tells Them This Is Normal?

On November 12^th, Troy LaFerra from Port Trevorton, Pennsylvania was found in an alley in Sunbury, Pennsylvania stabbed 20 times.  As it turns out, Elytte Barbour, 22, and Miranda Barbour, 18 are the ones accused of killing him.  The Barbours have only been married a couple weeks when they decided that they wanted to know what it felt like to kill someone; so, they posted an ad on Craigslist and lured 42 year old Mr. LaFerra to a mall to do just that. 

These people were barely adults and they already had the notion that they wanted to kill someone … seriously?  Are you kidding me?  The couple had just moved to Pennsylvania from North Carolina and this was their first order of business … to kill someone.  It didn’t matter who and it didn’t matter how … just as long as they could say they had killed and knew what it felt like. 

As I sit here and ponder this crime, I wonder to myself, exactly how does a conversation like that come up between a married couple?  At what point does your spouse tell you that they want to know what it feels like to kills someone and every ounce of your being doesn’t tell you to run.  That would be my first instinct … run … run very fast … run like your life depended on it … oh wait a minute, it probably does. 

Surely somewhere while raising these two hellions, someone got the impression that maybe they were dangerous.  I don’t know the details, so I don’t know if either were psychotic or not, but I don’t think it is normal to want to kill for the pleasure of it.  What in your upbringing would tell you that this was a normal train of thought in people? 

In my opinion, there is no such thing as rehabilitation in this case and Pennsylvania does have the death penalty; I therefore think this by all means should be a death penalty case. 

All This ... Seriously?

In October, The Kings Way Baptist Church (KW) ousted their Pastor of 15 years, Bill Wininger, for sexual misconduct (and this is putting it mildly for some of the allegations).  As I sit here tonight, I can’t help but think about all the people that have been affected by this one man’s actions.  I’m not just talking about his victims and their families, which in most cases is a lot of destruction in and of itself.  I am talking about the church as a whole. 

I think about all the people that have left because of these allegations and how the church hid what was going on in plain sight.  People that have had their kids in one private school all their lives has now been forced to remove their kids and put them in another school; another school with new people and friends to get to know, new teachers they have to get use to.  The school is literally disintegrating before their eyes.  After the Christmas break and at the start of a new semester, I bet there won’t even be a quarter of the student body there that has been there.  All this because one leader put himself and his needs above all else; but above the needs of the children, seriously? 

I think about the people that graduated from KW Christian School and in their adult life they have been members of this church their whole adult life; but now they are moving to a new church and Pastor.  Some of these people were not only members of the church, but they were employees of the church and school; but due to these allegations, some have been fired along with the Pastor and others have just walked out.   It has been speculated that the ones there were employees were brainwashed to believe what they were seeing wasn’t real; I personally don’t agree with that.  I was a member of this church for 5 years and trust me, no one there was brainwashed; they believed and followed everything Bill Wininger told them with blind faith that he was right.  They never questioned anything because it would mean being kicked out of the church like I was, or it would mean they lost their social status to the congregation.  Oh, if you were one of the Bill Wininger’s favorites, he would build you up to the other members to the point that you were right under his name (and in his eyes, his name was above God himself).  All this because one leader put himself and his needs above all else; but above the needs of the people, seriously?

I think about the ministries that have taken a hit because of the removal of Bill Wininger; my favorite being Reformer’s Unanimous (RU).  I personally think this is right up there with the children that were hurt.  I think about all the family members that were seeing a change in their loved one that was drug addicted because of the RU ministry; only for their loved one to find out that Bill Wininger had more addictions than any of them.  This man would get up and preach to them about the change they were making and how to make this change and the whole time he is sitting there with an addiction to sexual immorality.  I just shudder to think of all the people tonight that are out looking for drugs because they refused to go to their RU meeting and hear how they needed to continue making a change and the church they are meeting at is literally falling apart before their eyes.  All this because one leader put himself and his needs above all else; but above the ones that are too far gone in their addiction to not let this deter them, seriously? 

Yes, I have a very heavy heart tonight.  Tonight was Friday night and RU should have met tonight, but I bet there were people that didn’t come because of all that is going on.  School will start back next week and there were probably people that went this past week during the break to find another school for their kids.  Why is it that people will put one man above everyone else?  Is everyone else really that small in your eyes that they don’t have as much worth as this big balloon of hot air seems to think of himself?  Yes, he is a leader of a church; but he is not God.  You know what is right and wrong in your own eyes, why do you need this man to tell you it isn’t wrong or that you don’t see it?  Why does his opinion of you seem to be more important than the feelings of the ones that have been hurt by his actions (and technically your actions because you believed him)?  Just out of curiosity, what is your opinion of yourself now?  What do you think his opinion of you is now?  Has your pride taken the same hit as his did?  At this point, I just throw up my hands and think, at least it is only your pride … there have been lives that have been ruined because of this … families will not spend time with their loved ones this Christmas because RU was no longer able to reach them … people that cannot see themselves going to another church and serving God the way the once did because at this point, they don’t who they can trust and who they can’t.  Seriously, all this because one leader put himself and his needs above all else; but above the pain and hurt of others, seriously?  If that is the Christian life, then you can have it.  

My apologies for any inconvenience

If you have came to my blog and read some of them, you will notice that I have had to go in and delete a great many of them.  I was in the habit of trying to put a picture, link, or other copy righted material in my blog in order to further show who or what I was referring to and I have signed up with a new ad program that requires all my material to be my own.  I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

I was asked shortly after writing one of my posts about something I had said in it and where I had gotten my information.  I have no problem answering any questions of where I get my information, I just won't be able to do it in the blog itself any longer.  But in the case that I am referring to, I had said that one of the men of North Sharon Baptist in Michigan had actually served time for his acts on a child and I have not be able to find that link again.  I wrote that blog on October 25th and I have been searching for that link ever since.  At this point, I am beginning to wonder if I might have misread something, because it is no where to be found.  I had originally found the link in 2008, but as I explained to the ones that was asking about it, there has been a lot of church people that has came under fire for the same acts since 2008 and it may very well be a case of the link being buried, but since these people are from that church and were there at the time of the accusations, I am almost sure that I must have misread something because they are unaware of such a case.  Please forgive me for my mistake in this issue.

Thank You,
Tabitha Rohm

Pastors vs John Q. Public

Church Pastors vs. John Q. Publics

With all the sexual abuse allegations on all the “men of God” lately, it has me thinking about why it is such a shock when we hear that a church Pastor or Youth Pastor is being investigated or has been arrested for sexual misconduct (SM).  I mean, if it was our next door neighbor, we would just nod our heads and wonder if the allegations are true or not; but with a “man of God” it doesn’t seem to be like that.  SM charges can either split a church wide open or cause people to completely drop out of church altogether.  That is the difference between a Pastor and John Q. Public being accused of SM. 

In the summer of 2011, Jack Schaap, Pastor of the mega church, First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana was fired for his and arrested for his affair with a teen in his church.  When he went to court in March of this year, Judge Rudy Lozano told Schaap ‘the sex crimes were serious in that they were “dealing with the treasures that are most important to us … our children”’.  Due to this Judge’s strong feelings against this act, he sentenced Schaap to 12 years in prison to be followed by 5 years supervision after he gets out; this sentence was 2 years longer than what the Prosecutor in the case asked for.  I happen to agree with this Judge.  This crime is worse than any John Q. Public that gets arrested for the same thing. 

A Pastor as defined by the Authorized King James Version of the Bible:

I Timothy 3:1-7

This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.  A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach; not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (for if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care o fthe church of God?)  Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.  Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reporoach and the snare of the devil. 

This is his punishment when he hurts the church:

Jeremiah 23:1

Woe be unto the pastors that destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture! Saith the Lord.

My point is this, this is a very important office and it shouldn’t be taken lightly; but we have men like Bill Wininger and Jack Schaap who take this position and they pervert it for their own good.  What gives them the right to steal such innocence? 

When I was in the Phoster Club, a group of ladies at Kings Way that would go out door to door on Saturday mornings to invite people to church, our leader at the time was Paige Andrews and one thing she always taught us is that even after we leave the church and after we go out to the market, we are still soul winners and we are still representing Christ in our walk.  Her point was this, we couldn’t just go to the doors for a couple hours on Saturday and think our job for Christ was over.  We still had to carry ourselves during the week in a way that a child of God would because we never knew when we would run into one of the people that we had been witnessing to and we would want our daily walk to represent our Lord and Saviour or everything we did on Saturday would be for naught.  She was so right.  Just her reminding us of that every Saturday made me so proud to walk out of that room and anxious to meet John Q. Public.  I have been giving this little message a lot of thought this week, why is it our Pastors lose this thrill they had to have in the beginning?  What makes them one day be on fire for the Lord and His Kingdom, only to laugh in His face and smear his name and destroy his church family with such ugly accusations and allegations?  I know there are some out there that would be very quick to tell me that it is the devil.  I can hear their voice in my head now, “it’s just the devil my dear, just the devil”.  No, it isn’t.  I hate to be so hateful about it, but it isn’t the devil.  It is more than the devil.  I don’t think these men woke up one morning and said, “hmmm, I kinda like that little girl in that class that I saw yesterday morning, I think I will try to get her on my good side”.  These men were bad in the beginning.  I know for a fact Bill Wininger was because he use to brag about it.  He would flaunt the fact that he was a Sailor in the Navy before he ever got Saved and lived the Sailor’s life.  Yes, he would then go on to explain his Salvation, but that right there tells us that he was bad in the beginning.  I am sure if you ask him he would probably do what most criminals do, blame it on his parents; but in a way, he is right.  I think these men are bad seeds from the beginning and that there is no way of taking that out of them.   How we treat others and especially how we treat God and the church comes down to us from our parents.  If our parents never thought it was important to go to church, then more than likely, we are not going to see it as important.  It is our parents that dwell in us respect for the space of others.  I am the mother of two boys and I have raised them to respect women, love children, and treat others as you would want them to treat you.  You won’t see my kids on Facebook flaunting a reckless lifestyle or see them mistreating women and children.  Actually, as a single parent, I have even beat the odds with my kids being raised in a single parent home.  Kids from single parent homes does not have a very good name in the national statistics because it is hard for a single parent to watch over the kids the way they should to raise them right … but mine are awesome.  Of course I did have my parent’s help, but if my kids were too unruly or overbearing, my parents wouldn’t have stuck around to help me out.  It all starts with the parents.  If you don’t care what kind of seeds you are planting in these kids, then the streets are not going to care either and their imaginations are bound to run free with them.  They will find one way or the other to entertain themselves.

Back to these “men of God”, do they not realize what they do to their families when they do this?  This is part of that upbringing.  I realize that Bill Wininger and Jack Schaap’s kids are adults, but their grandkids are not.  These men are not only hurting the people in their churches, they are destroying the upbringing of their own families.  I have a hard time believing that a wife doesn’t at least suspect when her husband is cheating; maybe she doesn’t know it is with a child, but she has to know something isn’t right.  It may just be me and my jealous nature and overprotective nature, but I would know if my man was stepping out and I would act on it when I found out.  I feel so sorry for Sue Wininger and Cindy Schaap.  These are awesome women and I wonder if they are going to be able to overcome this.  It isn’t only an embarrassment, but it is degrading and these men need to be held accountable for their actions.  They haven’t only ruined their own lives, but they have ruined the lives of the women that stood by them. 

Well, this is my rant today.  Thanks for following my blogs.  

What Now?

When I first heard about Pastor Bill Wininger being excommunicated from The King’s Way Baptist Church (KW) in Douglasville, Georgia, I have to say, I was a little fired up during those first few posts in response; but I have had time to sit back and chill and just take it all in for the past week and only voiced my opinion to a few threads on Facebook and in some private messages.  As I sit here tonight, a thought has come to my mind.  I don’t expect anyone to actually answer this, I mean it is just one of those random things that go through my mind on a pretty regular basis.  There are so many people; I mean lots of people that totally uprooted their whole lives to follow this man to Georgia from Michigan.  This is an 11 hour drive by car if you drive it straight through (and go the speed limit).  These people left family, friends, jobs and everyone they ever met … to follow this “little ole Baptist preacher” (as he would have told you).  If anything happened to these people’s loved ones, they had to drive 11 hours to get back to them.  They went weeks and months and sometimes even years without seeing their loved ones … for what?  A Pastor?  Their loved ones in some cases has passed away, in the days leading up to their deaths, they never seen the ones they loved … because they were off following a Pastor.  The thought that came to me tonight is simply this … Now what?  Your beloved Pastor, Shepherd, Leader is excommunicated and possibly … with any luck at all … possibly headed to jail … Now what?  In a case like this, there has to be a sense of hopelessness … a inner self that is scared and crying “what do we do now”.  When you are so hung up on a Pastor that you have surrendered your whole life to follow him, you are putting this mere man above God himself and when that man fails as this one has, I would think that you might need counseling just to be able to re-enter society and accept all that has happened.  It would have to feel like someone has punched you in the gut.  

As I sit here and contemplate all the feelings and emotions that you must be feeling, I immediately get a sense of being overwhelmed.  It is almost like being claustrophobic and locked inside of a small closet.  Just the thought of your feelings is almost enough to send me into a panic attack and I don't even have those.    

Crime doesn’t pay and should always be exposed in ink.  

How Do You Communicate With An Addict?

Believe me, communicating with an addict is not as easy as it might sound.  You will hear people say: "you have to treat them with - kid gloves" or "you have to practice tough love" or "you have to show them you are there for them"; but in reality, does any of these really work?  I am a recovering addict ... actually, I consider myself recovered addict because I have a stronger Will than the one it would take for me to go back into my addiction ... anyways, as a previous addict, I can honestly tell you that there is no way on this earth to communicate logically and sensibly with an addict.  Anything you tell them, they are going to see in the reverse.  If you are telling them what they are doing is going to kill them ... which you are probably right ... I promise you they are going to take it that you are against them and don't ever approve of anything they do - why should this be any different.  If you tell them that their friends are not their real friends because a real friend wouldn’t introduce drugs to them or use them with them, they are going to think you have always hated their friends … even if these are the first friends you have ever had a problem with.  I know this … I lived this for 14 months.  I am convinced that the only thing a person … regardless of the relationship … a mother, sister, grandmother, father, or grandfather … can do is to throw up their hands and walk away.  WALK COMPLETELY AWAY FROM THEM!!!!!!  Don’t give them money when they call.  Don’t argue with them when you say “No”.  Don’t lay in bed at night wondering what you could have done differently because there is nothing you can do for them while they are in their addiction.  They have to hit rock bottom all by themselves before they will be ready for help … and even then, you can’t rush in to help because any help will give them the hope that they can stay in their addiction.  They have to cleave to the bottom they way they cleaved to the high.  

"One Try"

At what point does a parent lose their little babies to a drug addiction?  I was driving down the road today and a car passed me and there was an early teen sitting in the passenger seat.  I could see them for awhile behind me quickly approaching on my left side.  The teen was sticking his arm out the window and playing with the wind with his hand.  As they passed me, I am thinking to myself: ‘wonder what the kid will be one day? Could he be another statistic in the drug world?  Is he going to be a scholar that contributes productively to his community? ‘.  As these thoughts go through my head, I wonder if my parents would be able to tell someone at what point they lost me to my addiction?  Could they tell that same person at what point they lost my brother to his addiction?  I had great parents.  They were parents with the proper restraints and the proper nourishment for growth and yet, two of their children turned out to be addicts.  As we know, your baby is always your baby and they never seem to grow up in our eyes … so when they become an addict, they are still our babies and we are still somewhat responsible to steer them back to the right track. 

Sometimes, it is the parent that looks like they don’t care, that is actually doing the most to help their addicted child.  They won’t give them money for anything.  They won’t give them rides anywhere.  They won’t allow them to “crash” at their house because they don’t have anywhere else to go.  If you give them gas money to go to work … the money they had in their pockets for gas will be spent on drugs.  If you give them money to pay the electric bill … yep, they probably had the money, but they wanted to use it for drugs and by you paying that bill, they were able to.  Some call it “tough love”, other call it “starving the monster”, but regardless of what it is, it works.  Everyone has a rock bottom and the faster they find that rock bottom, the faster they get the help they need.

These parents that are able to respond quickly with the “tough love” approach usually have better response time and I often wonder what made them react so quickly.  Was it the fact that they see their child as another individual and as such is able to see immediately when something isn’t right and isn’t shocked or embarrassed to take care of the problem?  At any rate, I applaud these parents.  The parent that sees their child as their “babies” and keep coming up with excuses why their child would be acting the way he is isn’t helping the situation.  Embarrassment and shock is not the cure.  If this was anyone else that you were dealing with besides your family member, how would you respond to them?  Treat your baby as such.  If you give in to them in any way, you will be feeding the addiction and making the bottom just a little further away.

            A drug addiction is nothing to play with.  It is nothing to “try”.   One hit is all it will take to end up a statistic: sometimes the statistic is the number of overdosed victims that overdose after one hit, sometimes it is the number of years the average addict stays in their addiction, other times, it is the number of times you were arrested while in your addiction.  At any rate, none of the statistics are good and all of them will cost you something.  What price are you willing to pay for that one “try”